Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
