She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
