Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize