Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
