I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
