I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
