I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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