Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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