We won't sleep together?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
