what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
