Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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