You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
