Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
