my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
