Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
