finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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