i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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