If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
