I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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