Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Found your dick twin last night
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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