youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
