Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This is my gift to your gina
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
