I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
