i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
im holly from the hills drunk
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
