Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
