If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
