Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
