and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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