you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
