Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I have post one night stand depression
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
