I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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