And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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