Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
