if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
