so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
