Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
