weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
