After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
