Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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