I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
