So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
