He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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