my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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