dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
