Got a toothbrush?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
