my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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