Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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