I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
