I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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