Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize