All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
