Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
