You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
