you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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