I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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