he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
