I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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