I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he thought i was a dude.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
