I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize