every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hippo gnu deer
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
