Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
