just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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