i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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