put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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