your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm going to jail i love you
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
