i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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