With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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