The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
