trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we made out on top of his cat.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
