dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
