What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Damn victory sex feels great
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
