I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize