im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
