I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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