maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
