So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
