we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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