And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
