I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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