I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
