but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
