Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
