So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
