I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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