man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
