I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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