that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
