shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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