I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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