D3 body, D1 cock
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
