well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
