would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
