I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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