i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
