I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
