I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
