I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
