I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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