the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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