We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
