I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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