I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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