Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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