So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
