We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
