I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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