I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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