at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
