i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
