whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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