i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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