We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sorry my hands just texted you
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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