i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
