enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
